Unemployed, Not Unworthy
A personal reflection on job searching and self-worth in a broken system.
In life, some failures go unnoticed, while others feel like bull-in-a-china-shop moments you can't ignore. In a technical interview this week, I was asked to solve an algorithmic coding problem on the spot. As I fumbled through the live exercise, I knew. I wasn't getting the job. A gut feeling confirmed within hours.
That interview was just one in a long string of rejections. For the past six months, I've been unemployed, and it's riddled me with a bunch of personal doubts. I feel worthless, floating in a sea of automated rejection and "Thank you for applying" emails. Stuck, as if every single door I try is locked. And uncomfortably lost, unsure of what I should do next.
What makes it harder is the feeling of being judged. It's pretty common for people to ask what you do for work, and I dread it every time. I can't help but wonder if people think I'm not trying hard enough, as if I want to be unemployed. Back in September I took a job at Starbucks and quit within two weeks. It was humbling and absolutely sucked. They only pay $15 an hour, which in no universe covers my bills. And so far it's the only job where I've cried after my shift. I thought I'd find something better within a few months. I didn't.
Ultimately, I know it's not my fault. Capitalism is in a global crisis right now, and my industry has been hit especially hard. Since 2022, over 550,000 tech workers have been laid off—more than 130,000 in 2024 alone1. It's not just the numbers; I know plenty of friends and colleagues who are in the exact same boat. It's nice to know I'm not alone, but not like this. And it doesn't make the rejection emails any easier to swallow.
Somedays it feels hopeless. But then I remind myself that this is just a chapter, not the whole story. I've faced challenges before, and I made it through. So what's next? The job search continues. I'll keep putting myself out there. You never know where a job might come from. In the meantime, I'm reminding myself that this experience isn't a reflection of my worth or my skills. Unemployment is an irrational contradiction of the capitalist system, and everything will work itself out—as long as I focus on the things I can change.
B, Jake. "Declining Outlook for Tech Workers." The Communist, January 2025, p. 12.
I’m sorry to hear that, but you write very well & articulately! & of course you deserve nothing less than being a leading cadre in the successful workers’ revolution of America comrade! I used to think I was a pretty good writer but every time I read Trotsky I’m stunned by the way the man writes. I did get a dissertation * for my film studies essay in college but that’s nothing compared to the skill of Marxists. Maybe if I wrote something on Substack as practise more often I could one day maybe this year or next when I’m good enough of a writer & have built up enough writing skill (or write something good at the right time) have an article published & if my comrades help me refine it.
Good luck looking for jobs comrade! 🚩✊🏼🫡